>& Saturday, October 08, 2011
It's only the past few weeks, that I've opened myself to my current class.
It sucks balls knowing that there's such a high possibility I can't stay.
I know you're gonna kill me for saying these things, sock, but reality, is what it is, reality.
Alexandra ikea with the usual peeps as well as the cute invaders from t16 yesterday; it felt like the last supper. (Tummy innocently mentioned it, it had no connotations whatsoever with my thoughts, but somehow it just connected, and it tore at the heartstrings.)
I'm grateful for all the concern, all the love, all the texts, but sometimes I get tired from replying frank thoughts, or even to ponder whether or not to speak exactly what's on my mind.
This is one of the things I hate so much, to affect others with my pessismistic thoughts, or shoot down innocent concern, genuine ones, with downcast and dwell-in-my-sorrows-nothing-can-rouse-me comments.
I look at chu, rios, char, aarsin, pek, taiyang, and I wonder.
It's more of. Where do I go after this? To leave what I love?
/my parents are still up, my mom asked today if I'll take the path of becoming a teacher.
I told her that's a second career; she asked what was the first.
Frankly I think only sock and ponyo, jojo and aary know.
I did tell them after a while though.
I think I tend to get too comfortable and caught up in emotions, than to see beyond clearly, that the future is still something that is static in a sense, that I can't run from it.
That I need to stand again.
I've been making people feel that bad; that they can't comfort me, or do anything; that they're helpless. Like for that sheep; that because of the different conditions we were brought up in, the way out lives have turned out; that our lives and perspectives are slightly different.
It's not his fault, because he's never experienced the jc life, nor fail to himself.
That he could never experience any inkling of this, because this is so different from his life.
So he can't do much, he can't say much. But he tries so hard.
And sometimes I wonder about this relationship, but that's not the point today.
To fail to yourself; the only way to succeed is through your intrinsic strength, is it not.
I tend to run away; to have the urge to leave mass when things like these happen; to walk out in the middle of mass. I didn't today, nor did I have ct next to me, no partner today.
The ado room didn't give me any repose, was I expecting some higher power to jolt me awake?
Listening to clapton's tears in heaven now, a cover. Reminds me of my birthday present this year; that someone learnt how to play it, through a phonecall at midnight-ish.
Each year's going to be one of retrospective during that particular period of time. Five days after her passing.
It's storming.
Rain's awesome. But lonely.
Ant is screaming at me to get back up on my feet.
how?
What's this man. What the fugg are you trying to do to yourself again. little mario breathed at 9:26 PM
& dude.
marie.
060393.
Kids go where there is excitement,
they stay where there is love.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. - Swedish proverb
I'll wait.
& hmmMMM.
I'll wait forever till you face me.
& away~
kor
daveo;buddy
iryani;fishy
aiting *ma'am
chi you;
norani;my jellybean
sher;
grace;brudder
carmen
cecilia;part-timer
clara
denny;mei
ray;mei
cel;squaddy/2nd cousin
joleen;
erdalyn;
audrey;
kai;
angie
gracey
jolene;jojo
6C '05 blog
xin feng;envelope
ben;
jinru;pepper
weiqing;"shorty"
li min;monkey
peijing
claudia;'dia
pris;master
jien
sandra;dudee
gen
renia;
asiah;
beatrice;green beetle
alex
stella
nana;
michelle;
shaliza;
qishan;
mandes;tomyam partner
diyana;bugfriend
suhan;
sharifah; mei
xinyen;delyn
yinghui
seri
dawnie
gwen;burp partner
cheryl tan
joycelyn;mohmoh
emily;
ethan;
hendry;
center>
& speak now or hold your peace!
` Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8~
~